The SARA: Sirius Adores Remus Adorers
by rry
Summary: SEQUEL TO THE RAA. ...Finally. The gang is returning to school after Christmas Break and there are... A. loose ends to tie up, B. a mother to find, C. stalking to do, D. hearts to win over, and E. virginities to lose. RLSB, JPLE, maybe OCOC
1. Chapter One: Returning

**The SARA: Sirius Adores Remus Adorers**

**Chapter One: Returning**

Groggy golden eyes turned up as a strong arm encircled the teen's slumped shoulders. Bright eyes, set in a pale face framed by long, midnight black hair, met the golden ones. Small smiles tugged at both pairs of lips as if the hustle and bustle of the train platform wasn't surrounding them.

"How you feeling?"

"Fine."

"You sure?" Sirius's arm slipped from Remus's shoulders to the werewolf's lithe waist, curling all the way around so his fingertips splayed across the very edge of the still healing, knife-inflicted wound. Even through the layers of his clothes the lesion felt infinitesimally better.

A sigh escaped Remus's lips and he leaned into Sirius's side, closing his eyes and resting his head against his lover's. The week after leaving the hospital had been a weird one: after arriving back in France they waited three days for Richard's return, only to receive a letter from the older sibling stating he would be away until he "[found] Vite, castrate the damned vampire for bringing that stupid _ostrich_ home and then interrogate the bastard to find out all he knew about…" The rest of the sentence degenerated into scribbles and quill stabbings, and then, finally, an apology for loss of temper.

Once Richard's absence was confirmed, it was time for Lily's visit. She and James got along surprisingly well, which worried everyone in the house since all had prior knowledge of their …lively relationship. (Remus, Sirius, and Rachel all decided it was the time spent waiting for any word on Remus's condition which showed Lily that James was more than a bucket full of half-baked prank schemes.) Also, if it was at all possible, Remus and Sirius also grew closer together; mostly due to the fact Rachel put Remus on permanent bed rest (which meant until they returned to school), so he spent a lot time curled into Sirius's chest on the couch, playing board games with a combination of Sirius, Lily and James; Sirius, James and Peter; and Sirius, Lily and Peter. The odd one out was usually helping Rachel with any chores she need done while she studied for her degree.

Remus pulled his head from its resting place and sighed, breath coming out in vaporous puffs. "Yep. Now, let's get on the train before it leaves," he grabbed his boyfriend by the hand. Sirius raised an eyebrow at this but allowed himself to be dragged onto the locomotive.

"Yes, yes. Because being here a half hour early poses such a risk for missing the train altogether."

An eye roll was his reply. Remus tugged a little harsher at his wrist and Sirius suddenly found himself thrown into one of the magically enlarged restrooms on the train.

"Remus—?" He began but Remus grabbed Sirius by the back of the head and slammed their lips together, causing them to fall back onto the locked bathroom door.

"I have a little pain in my side," Remus mumbled against his lover's lips.

Sirius laughed lowly and grabbed Remus by the waist, drawing their hips closer. "Really now? Let me see if I can help with that."

* * *

James looked around the platform with a confused look on his face. He was sure he'd seen Remus and Sirius here moments before he was hauled away by Jessica and Persephone to give them and the rest of 'The SARA' a holiday update.

"It's only been two and a half weeks. Do we have to do this here?" James whisper/hissed at them.

The girls stared at him as if that was the most idiotic question they ever heard. "YES!" was the collective reply.

James would rather not.

"Oh, come on! You look like we just told you to jump Snape's bones!" Bethany waved her hand dismissively and took a step forward. "We need to know of any advancement!" She paused for a moment, wondering if that needed to be plural then add (just to be safe), "sss!"

James was crying on the inside. He just wanted to get on the train and see Lily. Was that so hard to do?! Really? _'Well,'_ James thought, _'three can play this game! …Or… nine. There are eight of them here…'_ "There weren't any really. Remus has… _the flu_… and Sirius has been… _taking care _of him… for a while."

A high pitched squealing tried to melt James's brain.

"Ow," James slowly pulled his hands from his ears. "When the hell did this turn into second year herbology?"

The exuberant members of 'The SARA' were paying James no mind as they gushed, oddly quietly, about how Remus and Sirius had "_FINALLY!_ gotten together!!!!"

James stared. "Girls are crazy," he muttered and turned away, leaving the seizing group behind as he boarded the train. "Really, _really_ crazy."

* * *

If it was at all possible, James and Peter were playing a lazy game of Exploding Snap. It was all do to the fact that Remus was asleep on Sirius's shoulder and Sirius was so love-struck that all he could do was stare adoringly and run his fingers absentmindedly through Remus's hair.

Sometimes it was enough to make James want to vomit, all the… _puppy_ love absolutely _dripping_ off the two. But then, he admonished, he probably mooned over Lily just as much. Oh well.

James watched out of the corner of his eye as Remus stirred and blinked blurry-eyed at the darkness out the window. "What time is it?" The werewolf finished with a yawn.

Sirius shook his watch out from under his shirt cuff and said, "Five thirty-three."

Remus yawned again and nodded as he ran a hand through his hair. "Thanks," he said as a confused look crossed his face. He brought his fingers to his nose and sniffed them experimentally. "Did one of you guys spray me with perfume or something?"

James displayed a highly offended look, "I most certainly did not! Why would you ever suspect such a thing?!"

Remus glared and ground out, "Because I smell like …fruit or sugar."

"Really?!" Sirius asked happily and, wrapping his arms around Remus's shoulders, buried his nose in the young werewolf's hair. There were several seconds of silence as the other boys waited for Sirius's judgment.

"So…?" James prompted, eye brows rising behind his glasses.

The dog animagus cleared his throat and shifted slightly in his seat, pulling away from Remus enough that just one of his arms was still draped about the other man. "I rather like it," with a light blushing of pink across his cheeks, the man stared at a random spot on the ceiling of the train compartment. James and Peter promptly burst out laughing.

"Looks like someone likes this _perfume_ a little bit _too_ much!"

During all the merriment, Remus sniffed at his fingers, then his wrist. Then sniffed his other wrist. Then he tugged his hair around and tried to smell that as well. Then pulled at his shirt and sniffed. He then counted on his fingers until he got to seven and stopped, his eyes wide. The werewolf suddenly whipped around and ordered of his lover, "Smell me again."

"What?!" Sirius would forever deny that his voice cracked while in the mist of that sentence.

Remus huffed and rolled his eyes. He then stated very slowly, "Smell. Me. Again."

"Erm, why?" Sirius hesitated, not really wanting to get an erection in front of his friends (Remus, however, was a completely different matter. Remus was a sexy beast).

"Because I think this might be…" Remus drifted off, lost in thought.

Sirius stared at his boyfriend, the smell still affecting him in such a weird way. Like the best aphrodisiac in the world. Better than anything any muggle could make. Better than a wizard's invention. So good the dog animagus crossed his legs and cleared his throat.

"Remus," Sirius cleared his throat yet again, his voice coming out far too rumbley for normal conversation, as his love's eyes hit his. "What's going on? What's this smell?" (He stopped to clear his throat.) "Is this something to do with the silver?"

Remus searched for something seemingly hidden in Sirius's crystal blue depths. "It… this smell… it's an allure. It's been brought on early by the stabbing, yes, but it would have happened eventually."

"An allure?" Sirius remembered, vaguely now, reading about that in Werewolves: Everything You'll Soon Learn You Didn't Really Need to Know about the Species. …Vaguely, mind you.

"Whoa, Sirius!!" James laughed, "Nice use of bedroom voice!"

While giving James a cheery smiled, Sirius said, "You're free to join," with a wink.

Before James even began to think about whipping the slightly offended look off his face Remus let out a threatening growl.

The whole room seemed to still. The train even appeared to have stopped rocking.

The werewolf flushed slightly. "Sorry," he muttered. "Unfortunately, my hormones will be wreaking havoc upon us until the new moon."

"The new moon?" James questioned, "Why an absurd time as that? And hormones?"

Blushing again, Remus simply said, "I'll tell you about it later," and he crossed his arms.

Sirius watched the quick exchange dimly; his mind was on Werewolves: Everything You'll Soon Learn You Didn't Really Need to Know about the Species and the chapter they had devoted to allures. _'Now, what exactly did it say? 'Allures are a werewolf version of… which happen after… so the werewolf…mate…ritual…calling… smell…new moon-full moon-smell-allure-bond-after-but-near death-before-ensure-reassurance-sex.' HOLYSHIT!! No wonder I'm half mast just by smelling him!'_ Sirius jumped slightly after his epiphany came about. "But Remus!" He looked more nervous than Peter when he was confronted by butterflies (his worst fear). "An allure! It's not supposed to start so soon! Not before we—erm, well. It's really soon!" His voice squeaked like he was going back to have puberty a second time.

Remus looked at him like he grew a second head, "How do you know about—"

"Werewolves: Everything You'll Soon Learn You Didn't Really Need to Know about the Species."

"When did you read that?"

"'Round the time you—"

"No, never mind that! When did you learn to read?"

"Remus, you wound me! Right here!" Sirius placed a hand over his heart.

"So," Remus started conversationally as he settled into Sirius's side again. "When did you read Werewolves: Everything You'll Soon Learn You Didn't Really Need to Know about the Species?"

Sirius tried to ignore Remus's new aphrodisiatic smell and replied, "'Round the time you decided to get a girlfriend."

"Ah." Remus turned his vision to the dark wilderness by which the train was passing. "How much of that book did you read? Once you, ya know, stole it from the Restricted section."

"Wait!" James interrupted, "What is an allure? Because if it's that perfume smell you talked about and Sirius likes so much, _and_ it has to do with your furry little problem, then wouldn't it be prudent you told us about it? You know, _before_ Sirius does something stupid?"

Remus and Sirius glanced at each other and the werewolf was about to answer when the compartment door slid open.

"Hey guys!" Lily said happily. She walked in and greeted Remus with a kiss on the cheek. "Feeling any better?"

"Loads."

The red head gave a 'hmm' and a smile and sat herself between Remus and the wall. "How'd the rest of your vacation go?"

"After you left, my dear, my whole world dimmed."

Glaring, Lily replied, "Shut it, James!"

And they started a slightly heated conversation over the practicality of steam engines versus coal. It lasted until the lights of Hogwarts could be seen and the boys left to change into their robes.

"Remus," Lily called, raising and placing her hand on his arm, "Any news about Richard or your mum?"

The werewolf shook his head. "No. He sent us a letter after you left saying he was sure he was closing in on Vite, but…"

Lily nodded. "Okay, just wondering. If you need—"

"Moonikins!" Sirius wrapped himself around the door frame and swung partially into the room. "You coming? We've got to get changed."

"Yep!" Remus said with a smile.

* * *

"So," James started as they entered their dorms after the 'Welcome Back, Christmas Is Over, You Life Will Now Start Sucking Again' feast.

"Oh," Remus sighed, "I was hoping you wouldn't have remembered that."

"Yeah, well," James pointed at Sirius as he dug through his trunk, "if he's going to be like he was at the feast for any amount of time longer, we'd best know about it now!"

"Oi! I wasn't that bad!"

"No," James waved a hand dismissively. "You just always try and molest Remus at the table." The sarcasm was thick.

"Actually, he does."

"Yeah, James. Even before he and Remus starting going together."

"Well, more so than usual," James crossed his arms defensively and glared. "I think it's only fair that there's no secrets between us, considering we all share this dorm."

Remus groaned and scrubbed his face with a hand. "An allure is—Sirius, what the hell are you doing?!"

The raven haired boy looked up from his trunk; he had one foot on the edge of the big ol' box and was using it as leverage to lift out his enormous Christmas present. He grunted in annoyance. "Remmie, come give me a hand gettin' this out."

Remus raised an eyebrow, "You really want me grunting and moaning next to you when I smell like this?"

Sirius stilled, his eyes not seeing what lay before them. "You're right," he conceded at last. "James, give me a hand." And he heaved again.

"Jesus, Sirius! You shoved that whole thing in your trunk?" The bespectacled boy moved across the room and grabbed the seat of the motorbike. "How'd you make this fit—uhg! Ow!—in here anyway?"

"Evans helped me with a," the bike fell out of the trunk suddenly and nearly crushed both boys' legs. "Whoo!" Sirius rubbed and patted his bike affectionately. "That's better." His eyes shot back to James momentarily. "As I was saying, Evans helped me modify a 'Bottomless Bag' charm."

"But why bring your crappy bike to school?"

"Don't call my little Hannah that!" Sirius cuffed James across the head. "And when my boyfriend gives me possibly the most sexiest present ever, I'm gonna bring it with me and fix it up! I'm gonna make her fly!" He finished excitedly, patting his bike again, "Quite literally!" Sirius twirled around to his boyfriend and smiled brightly, which cause the werewolf's own soft smile to widen.

"And!" Sirius turned back to his trunk, digging through it. He found the leather he was searching for and whipped it out quickly, "Look, at this!" It was a slim black leather jacket, with the zip going diagonally across his chest and several more zip pockets, "All in all, dead sexy gifts!" He flounced over the Remus and gave him a quick kiss, his breath held so he didn't maul the man.

Remus was standing at the end of his bed, hands in his pockets and small smile on his face that made him older. He watched as Sirius distracted James and Peter with his bike, a wide smile gracing the long haired man's face. The werewolf was inanely pleased about how ecstatic his lover appeared, just by two presents that barely totaled four hundred Francs. Remus was sure that he'd just be contented with watching Sirius blabber on excitedly about how he'd make his bike the best in the world, for hours.

With the distraction in place, Remus went about unpacking his trunk; his shirts, his trousers, jumpers, pyjamas, socks, and boxers. His books and parchments and quills; most everything unloaded into their respective drawers.

Until he came to a grey top hat with purple band. The blond smirked, _'That can wait till later,'_ he thought and nudged it into a corner of his trunk.

James had forgotten all about the allure until after they were ready for bed. It was actually Sirius jumping onto Remus's mattress that brought the discussion back.

"Now, don't you two go doing things you wouldn't want your grandmother seeing on that bed tonight!" James joked, pointing a chastising finger at his friends.

"Oh, you know I hate my gran," Sirius smirked as he snuggled with Remus's pillow.

"And I don't remember my grandmother," Remus added as he walked from the bathroom. He eyed Sirius on his bed and asked, "You sure you wanna sleep there tonight?"

Sirius smirked seductively, "I can handle it."

"You won't be saying that in a week when the allure gets twice as strong." Remus placed his wand on his bedside table as James gasped.

"That's right!" Potter smacked a fist into the open palm of his other hand. "You need to explain what this allure _is_!" James pointed to the couple as Remus crawled into his bed.

The werewolf sighed and rearranged himself and Sirius so that the pillow was back where it belonged and their arms were wrapped around each other, the darker haired boy's face buried in Remus's neck. Their legs tangled and Remus could feel the start of something pressing into his hip.

"Toss me Sirius's pillow and I'll tell you."

The pillow smacked Remus in the face. "Thanks," he rolled his eyes and handed the plush sack to his bedmate. "An allure is a sent that a werewolf gives off around the new moon and, in turn, the wolf's mate will give off a sent around the full moon. It usually doesn't happen until after the relationship is consummated—"

"As in _sex_?" James interrupted, eye widening like 'sex' was still considered a word that was not to be said. He was seated cross-leg at the foot of his bed.

Remus blushed darkly, "I was hoping that you wouldn't understand what 'consummate' meant."

"Sorry."

Remus raised an incredulous eyebrow, "Do you want to know why Sirius will try to jump my bones for the next week or not?"

James nodded quickly, his lips pursed together tightly so as not to let any words pass.

Peter threw in, "So this 'allure' is like an aphrodisiac for a werewolf and their mate?"

Remus blushed again and the room listened as a muffled laugh left Sirius's lips.

"It's a little like that." Remus cleared his throat, "It's more of a… calling… so that the werewolf and their mate know that it's time for a bond to be formed. It's a claiming."

"A bond? Claiming?"

"…Goodnight then, James," Remus twisted into Sirius.

"No,no,no! I'm sorry! It's just, you know. I haven't read as much on the subject as Sirius has. He probably knows as much as you do about werewolves."

Remus sighed and nodded, "Alright.

"The bond is so that the mate will have more control over the werewolf during full moons, so it won't attack its mate if they don't happen to be an animagus." There was a small pause before Remus nuzzled his nose into Sirius's hair and told the other boy; "That's what will happen at the new moon. At the full moon, it's more of just the werewolf getting reassurance that their mate fully accepts and trusts them."

Sirius hummed in acknowledgement.

"So…" James started hesitantly, incase Remus snapped at him again. When he simply got a raised eyebrow, he continued, "The week before the full moon, Sirius will start to be irresistible?" Remus nodded. James asked, now, "Is that only this month?" Again, Remus nodded, and, again, James carried on, "You said usually doesn't happen until after sex"—Remus made an embarrassed noise in the back of his throat. Admitting to being a virgin was not fun.—"so why is it happening now. Assuming you"—James snorted—"haven't done it yet."

The disheveled haired man snorted again and mumbled something about Sirius "not being up to his usual rate." But his mirthful air left as soon as Remus said, "The stabbing."

"Oh." James searched the floor for answered, "Sorry. I… erm…"

"It's okay." Remus hooked his chin over Sirius's head. He shifted slightly and Sirius groaned (a small smirk pulled at the blond's lips). "Near death experiences tend to lead to accelerated allures. Something to do with the whole, 'Oh, my God! I almost lost you, please don't leave me!' thing."

"Ah." James thought a moment. "So this, and before the full moon, are the only times I'm going to have to watch you two try not to shag each other through the ground? Right?"

Remus snorted, "James, we are teenagers."

"Shit. …You are, huh?" James rolled his eyes.

"Let's go to bed, I'm tired." Sirius nuzzled into Remus's neck and smirked against the skin.

Remus hummed in agreement and rolled over to grab his wand. Giving it a wave, he closed his bed curtains, "'Night, guys."

"'Night, idiots."

Peter mumbled something along the lines of "goodnight".

James waved his own wand, closing his curtains and turning the lights out. He shoved the stick under his pillow and got comfortable. Then a thought hit him. He sat straight up in bed and yelled (practically), "Lily called me 'James'!"

"Shut up, Potter!" Sirius yelled.

"But she called me 'James'! She usually calls me 'Potter'!"

Peter: "Or 'twat'."

Remus: "Or 'arse'."

Sirius: "Or—"

"Alright, alright! I get it! I'm going to bed! Good Night!" James 'frumff'-ed back onto his bed. "She called me James," he mumbled gleefully to the night.

* * *

TBC!! WOW!!! THIS HAS TAKEN FOR EVER TO UPDATE!!! I'M SO SORRY!!! SORRY! I just…. You know…. Needed inspiration.

Questions to reviewers!

How close do you want Richard and Vite's relationship to be? Hmmmm?

And!!!

Peter Pettigrew in a tutu?


	2. Chapter Two: Oooooh, Shite!

**The SARA: Sirius Adores Remus Adorers**

**Chapter Two: Oooooh, Shite!**

Remus awoke Thursday morning with the thought, _'…Well… it appears I'll be losing my virginity Friday night.'_ His next thought was, _'Where's Sirius?'_ for his bed was cold and definitely felt empty. He glanced at the clock on his side table: 6.20 AM. The werewolf rolled onto his other side and saw a pale shoulder though a crack in the maroon curtains. Remus crawled to the foot of the bed and peaked out of the drapery.

Sirius was sat cross-legged on the floor in a white undershirt and dark blue boxers. The teen had a wrench in one hand and his wand in the other. He was working on his bike, cardboard boxes open with replacement parts scattered around in a half moon. He huffed and went back to work, wriggling the wrench between…

A smirk tugged at Remus's lips as he noticed his boyfriend's arousal. He loved knowing he had that affect on his mate. _'And I didn't even have to do anything. Just a smell,'_ his smirked widened to the smile. The blond leaned to the side to get a better look at Sirius's frustrated face. The black haired teen hadn't been sleeping all that well since the allure started and Remus could guess why.

The werewolf moved down on his bed; half on the mattress, half on his trunk. He crossed his arms and rested his chin on them. "How long've you been up, Padfoot?"

Sirius's shoulders tensed and he sighed, the whispered words quite affecting him. "'Up' as in 'awake' or as in 'my cock being harder than a fucking diamond'? Because I think there's a difference!" He looked back at his boyfriend with tired eyes and sighed, "Sorry, Remmie…" Sirius went back to his bike but after several seconds intoned, "The answer to those are 'five thirty' and 'since about noon on Monday'... respectively."

Remus laughed lightly. He pushed forward and pressed his lips to Sirius's as quickly as he could before rocking back into his original position. Sirius had been very… sensitive lately because of the allure so even such a quick pressing of lips had him moaning.

His eyes fluttered open and Sirius stared at Remus for a long moment.

"I'm sorry," Sirius finally said.

Remus quirked an eyebrow. "Sorry for what, Sirius?"

Sirius stared down at his hands. Twirling his wand about in his right, the young animagus finally sighed and replied, "Last month you said you wanted to take his relationship at your pace and then suddenly everything falls to shit for a week and we have until tomorrow night. I hardly doubt that's 'your pace'." When Remus didn't reply Sirius continued, "And, I mean, if you find some way to put a stay on this, then I guess I can't really—"

Interrupting, Remus asked, "Sirius, are you serious?"

Sirius whipped his head around and fixed Remus with a look that was half indignant and half hurt. "Of course I'm serious! And I don't mean that as in my name! Remus," the name came out almost as a whine, "if you don't want to do this then—"

"As sweet as that notion is, Sirius, there's no option in this: it's part of being a werewolf and part of being a werewolf's mate." An insulted look passed over Remus's features but there was an underlying taunt that Black missed. "Are you saying you don't want to be my mate?"

In seconds Sirius was kneeing in front of Remus, hands running through his hair and cupping his chin. "No, no. I do." Sirius said as he pressed his lips to his mate's. "I want to be your mate. More than anything, but I also don't want this to seem like I'm rushing you."

"You aren't," his hands fisted in Sirius's shirt and they kissed again. Remus caught Sirius's bottom lip in his mouth and dragged it between his teeth, sucking on the muscle slightly. The animagus moaned immediately, a hand tightening in the werewolf's hair as he pushed Remus into a kneeling position on the bed, crawling over the trunk and onto the mattress as he went. Sirius pushed the other teen back onto the bed and settled between his legs.

* * *

A dark figure walked in the shadowy halls of Hogwarts. Paintings barely noted him, students didn't glance a second time. He was almost invisible. Almost. Except for the fact he was humming. Loudly.

"Nuh, nuh-nuh-nuh-nuuuuuuh! Nuh-nuh! Nuh-nuh-nuh nuh! Tooduu tooduu tooduu tooduu! Buuuuuuhduuuuuuh! Uh!" He froze against the wall as a ghost moved past, obliviously.

The figure moved on to a different section of wall and leaned against the space between two paintings. These paintings were of Marie de Fredonne, the Hummer, and Juliusi L'Oratore, the Speaker. These were the two greatest gossips in all of Hogwarts.

Growing serious, the Shadow Man hummed with a smirk and brushed his straight fringe off of his brow.

"I have some information that you two lovely ladies might find interesting, but first I need something in return," his smooth voice issued.

The two paintings took notice of him now and both smiled. "And what is this information of which you speak? Hmmm?" Marie de Fredonne inquired.

Shadow Man's smirk widened to a smile, his teeth seeming to glow. "It is of the highest quality, my lady; concerning the pure blood family Black."

"Oooh," They both chorused, intrigued.

"But I need some," the man paused, "information gathered by you two sirens first."

"About?" Juliusi L'Oratore leaned forward in the painting. The motion was disconcerting because she didn't move any closer to the shadowy figure; she just got larger in the frame.

The Shadow Man smiled, arms now crossed as he leaned against the wall. "Everything you can gather about Remus Lupin."

"Oh, we can do that. Hmmm."

"But there's a clause."

"Yes? Hmmm?" Marie pressed.

"Everything you find about Remus Lupin will be told to my ears only. If I hear that you have told another soul, living, dead, or painted, I will burn your frames."

Both painting paled considerably. "You have our word."

"Hmmm," Marie agreed.

The dark figure smirked, "Good. Thank you. I'll be back on the twentieth of February."

"Hmmm," Marie de Fredonne nodded. "This had best the _highest_ quality."

"_Don't question me!_" The figure growled with a snap and stormed away, back into a shadow.

The two paintings squeaked and hurried away; frightened of the dark figure, but willing to do his bidding, for fear of their frames being destroyed. The frames held their spirits and burning would destroy them, unlike slashing or other forms of maiming.

"Buh-duh! Duh-duh-duh-duh! Duh-DUH!!!!!"

* * *

James awoke to moaning …again. It was the third morning in row when his alarm clock turned out not to be his clock at all, but Remus and Sirius rutting against each other in a desperate need to get off.

The young teen Potter gave a groan of his own but this one was thoroughly annoyed, not one lost in ecstasy.

"Didn't we learn Silencing Charms in, ooooh, second year?" he asked the air.

A mumble from the next bed over answered. Peter stuck his head out his curtains and said, "Yeah, first term, at that."

James gave another self-pitying groan and rolled out of bed onto the floor. "Oi!" he yelled. "Lovebirds! Get a room!"

Said lovebirds gave several giggles (which they would latter claim to be manly chuckles) and one found a wand and cast the spell of which the two loveless spoke.

James rolled his eyes and said to Peter, "I'm going to shower… and pretend I woke up to the buzzing of _that_ thing." He jabbed a finger toward his Alarm Clock of Unholy Doom and Damnation before heading off to the bathroom. The Alarm Clock of Unholy Doom and Damnation was given to him by Lily Evens herself. So, even though it scared the pants off James every time it shrilled, to get rid of it was sacrilege.

By the time James finish with his shower three others were going. _'Good,'_ he thought, _'that means I can dress without Pads and Moony practicing their _opera_. I should brush my teeth first… Oh, Lily, if you knew how deep my love for you—OH GOD! IT'S CHOKING ME! MY TOOTHBRUSH IS TRYING TO ASSINATE ME!!!'_ James tried not to throw up in the sink.

* * *

"I don't know, Alice. I mean, what if he gets the wrong idea? I mean, I wanna sit with Remus 'cause Remus got hurt over break and whatnot, but James will think it's 'cause I wanna sit next to _him_. I mean," Lily sighed, "what if he _does_ get the wrong idea and just starts going after me _stronger_! That would be terrible! I mean—"

"Lily!" Alice finally yelled, grabbing her friend by her shoulders and shaking her. "Since when did you suddenly start _caring_ about what Potter thought?! And why have you been calling him 'James' since break ended? And if you care _so much_ then _maybe_ you _want_ him to chase after you more."

Lily gaped. "I do _not_!" she said slowly and with an affronted manner. She wrenched herself from Alice's grasp and continued on her way to lunch. "That's _riDICulous_!"

Alice laughed from the stairs and hurried down to catch up with her friend. "How about this?" she suggested as they neared the Great Hall, "We _both_ go sit with them, so you have backup (should anything happen) and _James_"—she said the name mockingly—"will know not to try anything."

Lily pursed her lips and gave Alice a hard stare before nodding. "Okay," she said with a nod, "okay."

When they finally entered the Hall and spotted the unruly mop of black hair that meant 'JAMES POTTER!', Lily decided that maybe sitting with the Marauders was a Bad Idea. The first clue was their still unusual seating arrangement (Remus across from James, James next to Sirius, and Sirius across from Peter. It was very unsettling the first day she saw it and she immediately asked, 'Did you two get divorced or something? You two never sit apart.' to which James said, 'Remus's rabid rabbit is out of hannnnnduh and….. mauling …a person….?'). The second clue was that Sirius was bent over his plate, hair pooling on the surface, his right hand on the table… which usually meant planning, which usually led to pranks, which usually led to HELL ON EARTH! The third clue wasn't really needed but was nice to note, James was doing homework, which meant he'd be distracted, which meant Lily could talk to Remus without his really noticing at first.

"Good, that's good," she mumbled as she nodded to herself.

Alice grabbed her elbow and led her down the aisle between tables. "We need Confident!Lily right now, please. We can't have Potter guessing insecurity!" The shorter girl hissed.

Lily nodded again and straightened her shoulders. The red head walked up behind Remus and Peter and rapped Peter on the shoulder a couple times. "Scoot," she ordered when Peter turned to her.

"Uhm… okay." Peter moved over and Lily sat next to Remus as Alice waited for Peter to edge over even more so she could sit as well.

"How are you doing today, Remus?" Lily asked after a new plate appeared before her.

Remus glanced at her sideways, a small smirk forming. "I should be all better"—the werewolf reached for his goblet—"by Saturday morning."

Sirius made a strangled sound in the back of his throat and Remus snorted into his pumpkin juice.

"Sorry, Padfoot," Remus giggled, "I couldn't resist."

"You're so mean to me," the animagus whined, head still on the table.

Alice knocked her hand against Lily's shoulder, "Maybe you should be more worried about _Black's_ wellbeing, not Remus's."

"HA!" Sirius yelled loudly, "I'm fiiiiine! Louis and I are just _peachy_! _Je_! _Voudrais_!_ Une_ _bibliothèque_!"

Half the Great Hall was now staring at Sirius's hunched form… except James, because he had a thirty-seven centametre essay due in the next hour, into which he was only seven words.

"Whoa," Alice broke the silence first, "you needa calm down."

Somehow, Sirius managed to hunch his shoulders, the fight pouring out of him. "I know, it's just…" he sighed and finally straightened his back. He pushed his hair out of his face and huffed, exposing a reddish-purple bruise on the left side of his lower lip.

"Whoa," it was Alice again, "what happened to your face?"

Sirius frowned at the table in contemplation. "I got mauled by a shark this morning," he finally said. He looked up and saw Lily opening her mouth so he raised a hand to stop her. "Don't ask."

The red head frowned.

"What's that in your hand?" Alice asked, pulling the who group's attention to Sirius's right hand. He held it lightly over what appeared to be a glowing, red, translucent blob.

"Uhhh…" Sirius raised his hand and stared at the blob (now in his palm) with Alice, Lily, Remus, and Peter. He scrutinized the glob with narrowed eyes. "I don't know…" he said slowly, "I pinched it from the potions room."

Remus's response was to inhale sharply and close his eyes, telling himself that Sirius _did not_ deserve to be forced into celibacy until his brain returned (at this moment). It would have just been too cruel.

Peter's was to stare in awe and wonder at how cool Sirius was.

Alice and Lily's eyes widened and both immediately started talking about how dangerous it was to just steal random things from classrooms and, actually, how he just shouldn't pinch things AT ALL.

"But look at this!" Sirius exclaimed and he gently poked his finger into the side of the blob. The blob shivered and let out a small musical sound like chimes. "I've named him," the teen smiled cheerfully, "Louis! And, yes, you have to pronounce the 's'!"

"Oh, wow! That's so cool! Can I hold it?"

"Psssh! No! Louis is mine, Damiani! Get your own!"

Alice glared. "You pinched it, Black! So _Louis_ isn't yours!"

"Is too!" Sirius snuggled Louis the Blob closer to his shoulder, away from Alice's grabby hand.

"Is not!"

"Is so too!"

Meanwhile, Lily had turned back to Remus and had started up a conversation about their long lost vampire buddy.

"So, basically, it all boils down to Richard is still out looking for Vite and last you heard they were in Bulgaria somewhere?"

Remus thought a moment, placing his elbow on the table and supporting his head on his hand. "Basically." He thought again, "And Rachel's busy with school again. And _apparently_ one of her guy friends at Uni has been really sweet on her recently."

"WHAT?" Lily's eyes widened as she gaped. "Really?"

Remus nodded, "Yeah, I don't know his name, but she really likes him. In her last letter I could barely read her writing she was so excited to be talking about him."

"Wow… she hasn't mentioned him to me… yet. I haven't gotten a reply from my last letter yet."

"Hey," a distracted voice called, "what's it called when the star is inside the circle and all the words are written in Old Celtic?"

Remus stared at James like he was an idiot. "A rune?" he said in the same manner.

"OH, MY GOD! NO! DON'T TOUCH LOUIS!!!"

Attention was drawn to where Alice was standing. She was trying to reach the blob, but Sirius had stood as well and was take steps away from the table.

"Look, I just want too—"

"FLY! LOUIS! FLY!!" And Sirius chucked the blob as far across the Great Hall as he could. Fortunately or unfortunately (depending on your perspective), Louis nailed poor little Snivellus right in the back of the head. "YES!" Sirius pumped his fists in the air. "Did you see that?!" he whapped James with the back of his hand, still staring at the blob.

"See what?" James finally looked up and peered at the general direction that Sirius was pointing. His eyes found the red blob as it slowly melting into Snape's hair. There appeared to be smoke rising from his scalp and the man himself seemed to be hissing in pain. James's eyes widened behind his spectacles, "Is it supposed to be doing that?"

"Erm…" Sirius crossed his arms and tipped his head to the side. "I don't actually know. I knicked it during potions."

James looked up the aisle at the head table. "Oh, shite! McGonagall, Sirius! McGonagall! Run!"

Sirius's head snapped the way James was pointing. His face paled and he was about to take James's advice but a harsh shout stopped him.

"Mister Black!"

Sirius froze, fear gripping his heart like a vice. "Wh-why, hello Minnie. Might I say you are looking lovely today?"

"No you may not!" She glared, her lips tightening. However, as she grabbed Sirius by the shoulder, you could hear her mutter, "Leastways, not now." And so Sirius was dragged from the Great Hall to the Headmaster's Office.

Remus glanced sideways at Lily, then over at Snape, where his hair seemed to be burning off. "Oops," he muttered.

* * *

Sirius paced the length of Dumbledore's office for what must have been the six hundredth time. His heart was pounding and he really didn't know what would happen to him now. He'd seen what that thing was doing to Snape's head and if it did that to hair, what if it did the same to skin? What if he'd just killed the man?

"Shite," Sirius ran hand through his hair as he turned yet again. He sighed and finally decided, "Well, at least I'm not nursing a hard on just by sitting next to Remus. UHG!"

Sirius scrubbed at his scalp and stopped his pacing. Standing in the middle of the room he saw the past headmasters of Hogwarts' portraits peering down at him, as well as two women he'd never seen before. He squinted at them. "What do you want?" he snapped and they backed off. It probably also helped that the door to the office swung open at that moment.

Standing still, Sirius watched as Dumbledore walked solemnly to the chair behind his desk and sat down silently. He appeared to be thinking about something, eyebrows drawn together.

Seconds ticked by and Sirius began to wonder if Dumbledore even knew he was there. Sirius had opened his mouth to speak when the Headmaster beat him to it.

Raising a hand, the old man motioned to the chair. "Do sit down, Sirius, no need for you to stand there awkwardly."

Sirius thunk-ed down harshly, eyes wide, hair falling over his face.

"Now," Dumbledore started, "I understand that you and Mr. Lupin are…"

If Sirius had been in his right mind (and with proper company) he would have finished that sentence for Dumbledore with an 'Illustrious love affair?' But he wasn't in his right mind and he was with company that saying that might be a little awkward… considering Dumbledore was nearing one thousand… as far as Sirius was concerned.

"…engaging in a relationship of a romantic nature."

Sirius started to get scared. Wasn't he here to get a lecture and six years of detention? Wasn't Dumbledore going to start telling him he was two seconds from being expelled for stealing and searing off Snivellus's hair? What was going on?

The teen nodded anyway, slowly and stiffly. "Yeeeeess…"

"Hmm," Dumbledore nodded and, placing his elbows on the table, steepling his hands. "I see."

You ever get that feeling that you should run or hide under a rock before something _really_ bad happens? Sirius was experience that tenfold. And then some. With a dash of More flavored sprinkles on top.

"And you have been aware of his lycanthropy since second year, correct?"

Sirius shifted and cleared his throat. "…Yeah."

Dumbledore nodded again, "Then am I also correct in assuming that since he is not ill at the moment that you are his mate?"

There was a red neither dark nor bright enough to describe Sirius's cheeks the moment after that question was posed. Sirius cleared his throat and nodded, rearranging himself in the plush chair.

"Good," Dumbledore smiled brightly. "There are a few things I want to explain to you."

'_Oh, dear God…'_

"Being the mate of a magical creature is a very big responsibility, Sirius." Dumbledore reached down and grabbed at something behind his desk. He drew up a giant tome, hand shaking at the weight, and held it out for Sirius to take. "Now, I want you to read this front to back."

Sirius blinked several times in rapid succession. It was Werewolves: Everything You'll Soon Learn You Didn't Really Need to Know about the Species.

"There are a few points I wanted to highlight, given your reputation."

The blood drained from Sirius's face to his toes. _'No, please God. I'll start praying. I'll be religious. Anything!'_

"Now, this is a condom."

Sirius realized, then, that the laces of his right shoe were entirely too interesting. But obviously not interesting enough, given that a phrase or a sentence would still run into his head and refuse to more until a new came in a took its place.

"…they even come in flavors!..."

"…first full moon, Remus won't change fully give the allure and subsequent bonding. That would be weird…"

"…all werewolves can bear young, but most are infertile. Even so, protection first, baby second…"

"…and then you take the turkey baster and the bowls…"

"…which is why you shouldn't wear yellow on Tuesdays…"

"…when I was a little girl…"

"…now, there aren't any birth control pills for males, let alone male _werewolves_, so it's best to use protection! Every time…"

"…and that's why people in Australia are upside-down…"

"…which is why you want to use three fingers instead of two…"

"…Oh! How terribly rude of me! Lemon drop?..."

"…don't forget the lube!..."

"…take these condoms!..."

"…and that's how you make a pesto!..."

"And that's all Sirius. Class seems to be over, so you can go back to your Common Room."

Sirius suddenly found himself standing in front of Mrs. McGonagall. "Are you sure it's wise not to give him a detention, Professor?"

"Oh," Dumbledore hmm-ed, "I'm sure with the little talk we just had, it was punishment enough. Wasn't it, Mr. Black?"

Sirius jumped at being addressed, "YES! I'll never steal again! Promise!"

"Good, Good." Dumbledore patted his shoulder and Sirius practically ran off when he was able.

* * *

James ripped off his book bag and threw it angrily onto his bed.

By the door, Remus heaved a sigh and rolled his eyes. "James, seriously?"

James whipped around and threw his friend a wide-eyed shocked look. "YES! Seriously! Remus! If you'd been chasing Sirius for _years_ and he decided to sit with us one day at lunch _I'd _tell _you_ about it!"

Remus rolled his eyes again. "You were working on an assignment and I doubt, if she liked you at all, she'd want your grades to suffer on her account."

"I don't care about my grades! It's _Lily_! I care about _her_! And _you_ weren't being a good friend and telling _me she was there_!"

After mumbling something about children, Remus said, "Alright, I'm sorry. Next time I'll be a better friend and tell you when ever she's in sight."

"Thank you!" James set his jaw and grabbed his bag off his bed. "I'm going to go study in the common room." He pulled out several books, scrolls of parchment, quills and an ink well. He marched out of the room defiantly, slamming the door as he left.

Remus sighed yet again, placing one hand at his hip and the other to pinch at the bridge of his nose as he tipped his head back, muttering, "So childish." After several seconds he relaxed and shook his head. Remus, who'd never had time to take his book bag off, followed James into the common room.

The werewolf stopped at the bottom of the stairs and looked around. "James!" he yelled.

A whirlwind of hair black picked up to reveal James's face. "What?" he snapped.

Remus smirked. He lifted his arm and pointed to a corner of the room that Lily frequented. "Lily's sitting at the desk in the corner."

The red head across the room looked up at the mention of her name.

James's eyes narrowed in annoyance and he hissed out, "Thanks!" before returning to his course work.

Lily, realizing this was clearly the conversation they'd been having since lunch ended, rolled her eyes and returned to her work.

Remus gave a half hearted sneer. He was more than a little annoyed that not telling James Lily joined them for lunch got the other boy's knickers in such a twist. The feeling of aggravation was just compounded by the fact that he also had not seen Sirius since lunch and a very animalistic part of him wanted his mate. Now. Remus was so annoyed that he took up a whole table and glared at anyone brave enough to ask for a seat. Of course, this lead to people whispering about how he was acting a lot like he did closer to the moon (though, without them really saying the cause was the moon. His secret was still safe).

With two hours before supper, the door to the Common Room opened and James, sitting in a way so he could see whomever entered (he was serving as watch), gapped at the new comer.

"Oh, my God," he whispered as he stood. This drew the attention of almost the whole room. Onto the form of a very, very, _very_ ashen Sirius. A very, very, _very_ ashen Sirius who was carrying a very, very, _very_ large book under one arm. …Which begged the question, in James's mind, if Sirius got lost in the library and was attacked by books until they brainwashed him into joining their cause to take over all young, vibrant minds and turn them into brainless book worms? Like they had Remus. …Only it didn't take to Sirius as well as it had to Remus and he was suffering 'Brain Washed by Books' Rejection Syndrome.

Sirius began walking into the room as mindlessly as he had walked back from the Headmaster's office. He was drawn out of his funk when a hand grabbed his elbow. He was turned and he blinked at the worried face.

"Sirius, are you okay?"

The boy blinked again. "Remus?"

"Sirius? Are you okay?"

Sirius's right bottom eyelid spasmed, "No," he shook his head softy. "I… I think…"

James grabbed his shoulder. "Sirius," he started, "what, happened?"

Eyebrows knotting together tightly, Sirius tipped his head to the side. After several false starts he finally managed, "I think… Dumbledore just gave me the talk."

James's face said "I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!" and Remus's said "Uuuuh… really?"

James spoke first, "Like… as in, _The Talk_? Like, the"—his voice lowered—"sex talk?"

Sirius nodded. Awareness returning, he cleared his throat and whispered, "And a recipe for chicken pesto, I think."

* * *

TBC!!! (Updates won't always come this fast…)

Hmmm… Peter in that tutu will come later, 'kay? And who can guess the identity of our merry mystery Shadow Man?

Also, …do you guys think this is getting too random/crazy/spastic? Would you like it to return to a more _serious_ level? Or are you fine with this? Hahaha, Dumbledore. I wrote that with his Puppet Pal voice in my head.

Anyway… our clubs should return soon, okay? Once Sirius gets over his slight trauma. :)


End file.
